The Importance of Female Friendships



My friend Mariann and I at her home in Pennsylvania.



            Within this past year I have realized more than ever how important female friendships are to women.  I would hope that those of us who are married would consider our spouse to be our closest friend (although I know some marriages don’t work that way), yet a spouse or significant other can’t do it all.  Still, I think some women enter marriage with the idea that their new mate will meet all of their emotional needs, and let me tell ya folks, that just ain’t true!  How much healthier it is to share our lives with a variety of friends, as each relates to us in her own unique way.
            Not only can females relate to each other as we see the world in a gender-specific way, but those close relationships help us figure out who we are as women.  We share with each other similar aspects of our lives, comparing ourselves and our perspectives with each other.  While men and women are definitely equal in their worth as people, I do believe that they are distinctly different in how they view the world (of course, generalizing too much here can be limiting for either sex).
            As with any relationship, we want our friendships to be authentic, with a real sense of give and take.  Am I asking too much of my friend?  Or, do I feel like I’m constantly giving to them while they show little interest in my life?  As I said, this past year I’ve had to re-examine my relationships in terms of those questions.  What does it mean to be a true friend?  How do we negotiate the delicate balance of building emotional bonds with each other?  Much of this means that we need to be brutally honest with ourselves and with others.  If we don’t, and we’re in relationships that are too lopsided,  I believe they will collapse in the end.  So, we should ask: Does this friend bring out the best in me?  Do I feel free to be myself?  Do I feel like my friend is there for me when I need her? 
            As I said, my re-examination this past year has resulted in several changes. I “let go” of two friendships that I thought were one-sided (on my part).  It was no surprise, then, that those people did not come running to me to see why our relationship came to an end (which, of course, hurt a bit).  But I also realized that with two other friendships, I had not really been there for them and thus needed to make more of an investment.
           Yes, we hurt each other with our negotiating (whether overtly or covertly), but in the end, those relationships are strongest which are mutually supportive and tended with care.
           Can you relate to any of my experiences?  Men, are  your own friendships with each other similar or different?

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!