My Dear Aunt

Swallowtail butterflies love the flowers on my lantana bushes!

       




        My father called me this past New Year’s Eve, just as I was leaving for a party, and told me that my aunt had overdosed on medication and died the night before.

        Of course, I was shocked, but the cause of her death didn’t totally surprise me. She had tried to take her life some years ago but was saved in time by her son who called and knew there might be trouble when she didn’t answer. My aunt was my dad’s youngest sister at 69. She was living in a small apartment in a tall building for low-income residents. She had claimed disability most of her adult life for her depression and anxiety, which led to an inability to handle much responsibility. It was always so unfortunate, because she was such a fun person with a pretty face, and she seemed intelligent to me. I know that she used to do some volunteer work and at one time was very involved with her church, but yet she continually struggled. She had two adult sons – my cousins – one who is raising a family in Iowa, and the other still single and working in Minneapolis.
        My dad sent me a copy of the note she left for her siblings, which said that she loved them and that “she was happy that she would be with Jesus now,” which honestly threw me for a loop. I expected her to sound very distressed and upset. I called my dad after reading it, and cried. Not only was I grieving her decision, but it hit home because I have struggled with periods of clinical depression throughout my life. In fact, my aunt was aware of that, and we had kept in contact at birthdays and Christmas more recently as special friends.
        My dad reminded me that she was not well when she wrote that note and that I had to take into consideration that she had led a much more limited life than I had. My mom reminded me that although she was a good person, she had also made some bad and irresponsible choices throughout her life.
        Ironically, in processing all of this, I began to feel grateful for how my journey has turned out. Although I struggled emotionally throughout high school and college, I kept with the program, keeping my grades up and trying to be responsible for my actions and my choices. When I finally sought treatment, God gave me a competent doctor that has cared about me and worked with me for most of my life (and I hope she never retires!). God has also blessed me with a fabulous, supportive husband and amazing little girl. I’ve had a career that has fulfilled and challenged me. And, I’ve had the good fortune to be depression-free throughout most of it.
       Our lives have been very different. This doesn’t mean that I’m a “better”person than my aunt – that’s not the point – it’s just that she had the journey she did, and I have mine. And I know that she is at peace now, in the arms of Jesus.

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!