Takin' a Break . . .

It's time to get our fall on . . . and plant those hardy mums!

In the midst of my sixth month of blogging, I have to say that I’ve enjoyed doing it immensely.  Thank you to those who have been faithful readers.  It’s time for me to take a break, as I’m deep into teaching and grading papers, pursuing free-lance article ideas, and implementing all of those gardening plans that I've said I'll do!  I will continue this blog at some point, possibly going on the wider web and opening it up to the public. We’ll see!

Please have a wonderful and blessed fall, and thank you again for visiting my site throughout the months . . .

My Backyard DIYs

My backyard Do-It-Yourself projects include finding pieces of old furniture and painting them wonderfully bright colors!  The inside of my house is pretty traditional, so I enjoy using really fun, lively colors outside my house!  Hope you are inspired!

I found this old wooden table at an antique
store when I was looking for a potting bench.
I painted it "John Deere" green with a mint
green drawer for contrast.  It's got a nice wide
aluminum top that can be easily washed off
with a hose.  I love it!

I painted this chair "Tangerine Dream."
I've got it on the deck as a plant stand,
now holding an ornamental pepper.

I use this little bench for my watering can,

pots, and garden trinkets. I call this color

"French Blue."  It was fun to paint with

such a lively color!

This window frame was made of old fence

 posts. I've wanted to paint something robin's-egg

 blue, so that was my choice (it looks paler in

this picture).  I then planted pansies in the

windowsill and hung it on the side of

the garage.



Homemade Muffins and Pie, Oh My!

These muffins look yummy cooling off on the baker's rack.

I’ve got a great muffin recipe given to me by a friend – it makes normal-size muffins (not those monstrosities you see nowadays) and they are very healthy (also not like the ones they make today).  They’re only 127 calories per muffin, and are full of lots of yummy stuff.  Here’s the recipe:

Apple-Carrot Muffins         

1 1/3 c. Raisin Bran cereal

1 ¼ c. all-purpose flour

¾ c. sugar

1 ¼ t. baking soda

1 t. ground cinnamon

¼ t. salt

1 egg

¾ c. milk

¼ c. canola oil

¾ c. finely chopped peeled tart apple

¾ c. grated carrots

¼ c. chopped walnuts

In a bowl, combine the first six ingredients.  In a small bowl, beat the egg, milk and oil.  Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in apple, carrots and walnuts.  Fill paper-lined cups ¾ full.  Bake at 400 degrees for 20-23 min. Cool for 5 min before removing from pan to wire rack.  Serve warm.  Makes 1 dozen.

My annual fresh peach pie just waits to be dug in to!

Also, when the peach season peaks at the end of summer, I always make a fresh peach pie.  I admit I don’t do a homemade crust, but the refrigerated pre-made crusts are a good substitute.  Here’s a basic recipe that I use for this delicious pie.  At 200 calories a slice, it’s a modest splurge. And of course, each piece needs to be topped off with a scoop of vanilla ice cream (or whipped topping)!  Too good for words . . .

Simple Peach Pie

Pastry for a double-crust 9-inch pie (I use Pillsbury)

5 cups fresh peaches, sliced

1 c. sugar

½ c. flour

½ t. cinnamon

2 T. butter

2 T. sugar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Stir together flour, 1 c. sugar, and cinnamon and set aside. Wash, peel, and slice fresh peaches.  Mix together peaches with the combined dry ingredients. Turn into pastry-lined pie pan and dot with butter. Cover with top crust, cut slits in it, seal the edges. Sprinkle top with 2 T. of sugar. Cover the edges with foil to prevent over browning; remove foil for the last 15 min. of baking. Bake 35 to 45 min. or until crust is brown and juice begins to bubble through the slits in the crust. Cool and enjoy!

Sports: What I Love, What I Don't

The K-State Wildcats face our rival, KU!

Since my grad school days at a Division I school, I have become a fan of college sports. There’s nothing like the electric atmosphere of a football stadium on a crisp fall day; likewise, the energy and talent on a college basketball court pumps me up as well. I do watch the Superbowl and catch the NBA Finals and Wimbledon every June, but otherwise, it’s college sports for me.  Yet there are things I don’t like about the sportsworld. Here are the good and the bad, as I see it.

            First, I’ll talk about what I love.  I love watching outstanding athletes perform during the best years of their ability.  I admire it because although I can do other things well, I don’t share that talent!

I love the way that sports binds people together.  I like that I can walk into a sandwich shop and talk with the clerk about how he filled out his bracket during March Madness.  I like that I can call my dad on the phone in Indiana after seeing a great play on TV, and know that he just saw the same one, and we can share our enthusiasm.  I like the community and spirit that sports builds at a large university.  And I like the feeling of walking around Aggieville before a game and seeing everyone proudly wearing their purple.

I love the energy a good game generates. This happens both on the court and the field, as well as in the crowd.  It’s a great emotional release, and allows everybody to forget the stresses of everyday life and put their focus on something fun.

            I love learning about the game.  Although I’m still an amateur spectator, as I learn to appreciate the different strategies involved in coaching, teamwork and plays, it becomes all that more interesting to me.

            Now for what I don’t like.  I don’t like that sports are driven by money, unfortunately, even in the college world. Especially in the college world, because ultimately schools are supposed to be about academics, right?  I don’t like all the scandals that go on, and that some athletes really don’t give a rip about their classes – they just want to play.  I don’t like the sense of entitlement that some of them project, thinking they’re special.  While I know that fancy stadiums are the result of private donations and not school funds, it really bugs me that our buildings on campus too often don’t match the quality or luxury of the sports facilities.

            I don’t like when people take sports too seriously. Many make it their religion, because that’s where they put their money, their time and their energy.  There are just too many more important things in life that don’t get enough of these, that people are apathetic about, yet when it comes to sports, they’re totally there.  I don’t like when fans get upset in the stands and take the game so seriously that they get angry and cause riots.  Get over it, and get a real problem!

            And lastly, especially with football, I don’t like all the macho stuff that often goes with it.  I don’t like the ads with the male-adoring girls holding beer bottles, or the silly guffaws of the sports commentators behind the desks. Sports are watched by everyone, and while I appreciate the physical strength and talent behind them, I don’t like it when the testosterone levels get too high!

            Does the bad outweigh the good?  It may not seem like it here, but I still think it does!  So grab some munchies and a good cold drink, get comfortable in your seat in the stadium, arena or at home, have fun with those around you, and cheer on your team.  It’s some of the most exciting entertainment there is.

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

Tailgating is always a good time!

Outside the Bill Snyder Family Stadium.

A sea of purple covers the student section.

Watch out for the drunk guys in the big purple shirts . . .
(I don't even know these people!)

Dinner With Farzaneh

A gorgeous Persian feast. Delicious!

           

  

Last Sunday evening we were honored to be the guests of Farzaneh, a warm wonderful friend from Iran.  We got to know her through her tailoring business, where we take our clothes to get altered (I told her, it’s good I can’t sew, or we would have never become friends!).  We’ve spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other over the years and thus have become special friends.  So last week she invited us to come for a fabulous Persian feast, much of it cooked by her mother who is visiting.

             Have you ever joined an international table?  It’s one of my favorite experiences.  Lots of beautiful, new foods laid out before us, different languages flying through the air, and lots of cross-cultural bridge-building.  Laughter comes easily as we are assured that our commonalities outweigh our differences by far. And the colorful diversity adds extra spice.
            This was a most eclectic crowd.  Farzaneh, a native Muslim, attends the Unity Church here in Wichita, which is part of an international religious movement. Their pastor was present and told me that their church “considers the Bible their text and Christianity their foundation, but adheres to the universal truths of all religions.”  So there are members that are Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu as well.  His wife is Colombian, and she was a most interesting woman.  She got her master’s in chemistry in Russia, so considers English her third language.  Of course, my husband got a kick out of visiting with her, being that he has studied Russian and enjoys meeting people who speak it.
             Again, I find it a rich experience to meet all kinds of people, and the past two days have been full of such experiences.  Saturday night we skyped some friends from China, last night we enjoyed a Persian feast, and tonight we will deliver a meal to a new Mexican-American family in town.  I’m grateful for these times.

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

           

My caring friend Farzaneh and me.

Mike enjoyed speaking Russian with his new Colombian friend.

Fun with the group after our feast!  Good times.

New Beginnings

My daughter's school supplies neatly laid out on our table.

This week marks the beginning of a new school year – which around our house means my daughter starts fourth grade and I get back to teaching.  As for my husband, well, he continues to plug away in his cubicle at work, as always.  It’s been a fun summer, and I’m a bit winsome about it coming to an end – except for the heat!  But as my girl counts out her new pencils and other school supplies on our dining room table, and I start to get a peek inside the new textbook I will be using, I start turning my attention to the fall and the year ahead.

          Even if your life doesn’t revolve around the school calendar, what new beginnings are in store for you?  I’m not good at transitioning from one period of life to another (getting back home after vacations is always a welcome relief, but it takes awhile for me to feel comfortable in my old routine), but it’s important to be pulled into new adventures.  As I think about this coming year, I’m optimistic about the new experiences it can offer.
         Are you happy?  Are there ways that you can make yourself happier?  A strange segue I know, but I’m thinking about a book I read this summer and want to share some of its ideas with you.  It’s called The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin.  Now, I’m not one for self-help books – personally I think they’re pretty shallow, but this one intrigued me, and I wasn’t disappointed.  This author said she already felt she was reasonably happy in her life, but wondered if she could improve her situation by making specific resolutions each month (for instance, she found that by just getting to bed thirty minutes earlier each night, she felt much better and things went more smoothly the next day -- my goal would be to get up a bit earlier each morning).

            Anyway, here are a few of her thoughts:

• What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.
• Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
• “Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth.  We are happy when we are growing.”
• You can’t change anyone but yourself.
• Work can be a source of many of the elements for a happy life: the atmosphere of growth, social contact, fun, a sense of purpose, self-esteem, recognition.
• Denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return.
• It’s important to keep happy memories vivid in your mind, so you can recall them when you’re discouraged.
• New experiences are an important source of happiness.
• Having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness.
• Don’t gossip.
• If you can find the time, making a new friend is extremely energizing. New friends expand your world by providing an entrance to new interests, and opportunities. And, you can play the same role for them.
• Actively invite others to join a conversation.
• Stop the venting and complaining.
• Give thanks: for the ordinary and the extraordinary.
• Stop buying useless crap.
• Shit happens – count on it.
• Choose not to take things personally.
• Play the hand you're dealt.
• Your physical state is crucial: getting enough sleep, exercise, nutritious food, etc.
• Indulge in a modest splurge.
• Money can buy happiness if it is used wisely.
• For many, fear of what might happen is a source of great unhappiness—yet they feel there’s a propitiatory virtue in fretting. Stop worrying.
• Cut people slack.
• When listening to other people speak, listen intently.
• Don’t eat fake food.
• Direct your thoughts away from subjects that make you angry or irritable.

        Please excuse the abundance of ideas here – I tried to list things that were provocative and not too cliché.  Take what you want from this list – I find it worth pondering.  For now, have a good week, and a good new year!

For life is what you make it. So make it good!

           

Connecting With Cousins

My cousin Ben, me, and his wife Vikki in Iowa.

 

 

 

I’ve had some fun in the past year or two getting together with first cousins that I haven’t seen in a long time.  As kids, even though we lived all over the country, our folks got us all together regularly for holidays and family reunions.  As we’ve grown, however, we’ve kind of gone our own way . . . attending college, getting married, raising families, etc.  So, it’s been fun for me to call cousins that I haven’t seen for years and stop to visit them as part of larger trips that I take.

            It kind of reminds me of seeing classmates at a class reunion (though much more fun). We know how squirrely we all were when we were little and we have similar memories of times spent together. And, it’s always interesting to share our different recollections of just what happened and why. But more than that, the family bond in today’s mobile society is important and it’s always good to reinforce that and enjoy our shared history.

            Another thing that’s interesting is that our age differences are so insignificant now. I just got to re-connect with my cousin Ben and meet his wife and kids up in Iowa on our way to Indiana.  I always thought of him as “Benji,” but now I realize that he is older than my husband! Ha.

Another layer of this re-connecting has to do with meeting each other’s spouses and having our kids meet.  What fun!  I told my daughter that I want her to meet as many of her second cousins as she can, and being that a lot of these kids are around her age, she’s had a ball.  Last year I visited a cousin in Baltimore who has three children, and my daughter fit right in as the fourth sibling (their mother, my cousin Ann, also remembered with me the silly skits we would perform for everyone at Thanksgiving). What fun to see the beautiful children my cousins have “produced” – to see how their looks and personality traits have been carried on.

My cousin Ann and I during a recent visit (we called her Annie!).

I hope that our re-connection keeps us in closer touch with each other as time goes on.  This has been a joy in life, and I plan to get in touch with more cousins in the future. Let’s see, I only have seventeen more to go  . . . 

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

The Lost Art of Graciousness

Coneflowers bloom in my backyard perennial garden.



Graciousness. Not a word we hear or use much any more.  What comes to your mind when you think of this word?  Old ladies with pearls, serving cups of tea?  Actually, I think of these words:  humility, generosity, authenticity, servanthood.

            I think the fact that we don’t use the word very much is a telltale sign: we don’t place much value on that trait anymore.  Do young kids today even know what it means?  Now I’m not talking about grace, or being graceful.  No, I’m talking about behavior on the part of one person toward another that speaks of humble generosity.  In our fast-food, self-serve world, we don’t talk about this kind of behavior anymore, or at least we don’t seem to expect it.  But because we all run on the instant-gratification fast track these days, maybe we need it now more than ever.

            The best way I can describe what I mean is to give examples.  These people stood out to me for their graciousness, perhaps because their manner seemed so old-fashioned.  Yet, it was refreshing.

            When I worked as a newspaper advisor on a college campus that was a 40-minute commute from my home, I would get finished late into the night on deadline day.  I had already arranged with one of the faculty members who lived near the college for her house to be my “storm home.”  I took her up on it several times.  Whenever a blizzard hit, she would let me sneak into her house late at night and I could crawl into the quilt-covered guest bed and then head home in the morning to make it back for my afternoon classes.  But this alone wasn’t what impressed me.  She would personally serve me breakfast in the morning.  I don’t mean a fancy one, but she would put my bread in the toaster, spread the butter and jam for me, and fix my coffee just the way I liked it, all as I sat at the table visiting with her.  When I have guests on a busy morning at my house, I just put some boxes of cereal out on the table with some bowls and spoons, and tell them the night before where the milk is in the refrigerator.  “Help yourself!” I would probably say as we head to bed, and I’d likely be out the door before they even woke up.

            I remember another person who helped my family out after we were stranded in a little western Kansas town.  Our car was totaled after a teenager plowed into the back of it, and this man not only rented us a car from his car lot so that we could continue our trip, but towed our car three hours to our home when we came back through as we rode along in the cab with him. He belonged to the Brethren Church, which in that area meant the men wore beards without mustaches, dressed plainly, as did the women in his family, who wore simple dresses and head coverings.  He talked with us about his beliefs on the trip down, but not in a preachy way, and we shared about our family and our life.  When he dropped us off at the auto shop, he touched both our arms gently and said “Blessings to both of you, Ann and Mike.”  It was such an authentic and sincere thing to say, that I never forgot it.

            Is graciousness a lost art in our society?  I hope not.  I wonder how I can be more gracious toward others.

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

The Power of Forgiveness



A beautiful lotus flower at Botanica: The Wichita Gardens

 
















By the time we are adults, we all know what it’s like to be hurt or offended.  Sometimes people do it to us intentionally; often people do it to us without even realizing it.  We hurt, then get angry, then resentful, even bitter.  We can hold onto that grudge for a long time as it festers and grows.  Hopefully we all know that learning to forgive not only lightens the load of resentment we’ve been carrying around, but it also can help heal us and allow us to move forward.

A question I always have is this:  Is it enough to forgive, or do we have to forget too?  It seems that it’s necessary to release our anger to move on, but in order to protect ourselves from being hurt again, we need to remember the situation, not constantly, but keep it in the back of our minds so that we don’t get hurt again. Yet can we let go if we still remember?

Also, do we need to confront the person who has hurt us, or can we just forgive them in our minds?  Sometimes the person isn’t available, but even if they are, it can bring up more trouble than it’s worth.  What if they don’t agree with our perspective on the situation?  What if the confrontation hurts us even more?  It seems like each case is different.  Would it help our relationship with that person if we confront them?  Or would it make it even more fragile?

In the end, though, we need to remind ourselves that the person who is able to forgive shows strength; conversely, the person who refuses to let go of their resentment is the weaker one.  It’s hard to forgive others, but in the end it’s what frees us to move forward.

I was inspired to write on this topic after watching a music video by Chris August, entitled “7 X 70.”  He writes about how he felt abandoned by his parents when he was little and was finally able to forgive them in his heart.  The title refers to Jesus' response to a disciple who asked: “If I am wronged by someone seven times, do I have to forgive them seven times?”  And Jesus replied: “You should forgive him 7 X 70 times.”

You can view this video by clicking on this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5-Q1zAhqpA&ob=av2e

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

























Mama Mia! It's Spaghetti Sauce!

I spent an afternoon this week chopping, mixing and cooking a big batch of homemade spaghetti sauce to freeze for the winter (while doing so, make sure to play your favorite international music -- or some Jimmy Buffet will do). It's a great time to do it with the fresh tomatoes available.  It's basically tomatoes, onion, garlic, tomato paste, water and Italian spices (the recipe calls for mushrooms or black olives, which I omitted -- I might include one of those next time). The key is to let it simmer on the stove awhile.  I'm already enjoying it -- it's very chunky -- and healthy! Just the way I like it.



Use fresh homegrown or farmstand tomatoes, if possible!

Let it simmer for a long time on the stove.  Mmmmmm . . .



It's wonderful with a little parmesan cheese. Buon Appetito!



Here's the recipe:

Fresh Tomato Spaghetti Sauce

1 c. finely chopped onion

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 T. cooking oil

2 lbs. tomatoes, diced

1 6 oz. can tomato paste

1 T. sugar

2 t. instant beef bouillon granules

1 t. oregano

1/2 t. basil

1 large bay leaf

1/2 t. salt

1/4 t. pepper

1 1/2 c. water

1 4 oz. can mushrooms or black olives

You may double or triple this recipe.

Cook onion and garlic in oil.  Add remaining ingredients except for mushrooms/olives.

Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, for 75 to 90 min (or longer)

stirring occasionally.  Remove bay leaf.  Add mushrooms/olives and simmer to desired

consistency, 15 to 60 min (or longer).

If divided and frozen, add heaping tablespoon of tomato paste when thawed

for serving to re-thicken sauce.

Sauce may be frozen in ziploc bags.

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

Summer Pleasures

             Here are a few of my favorite summer images.  I hope you enjoy!


Celebrating the birth of our country and its freedoms . .



Homegrown tomatoes ripening on the vine . . .

Fresh peaches lined up on the window sill . . .



Bare feet in flip flops . . .






Juicy watermelon to slurp on .



Fresh sweet corn on the table.

 

And an icy cold snow cone to beat the heat!

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!





Oh Rats!!!!!

           

            Meet Daisy and Lily.   Daisy is definitely the most outgoing and cuddly.  She likes to run up and down my daughter’s arm and even crawls down the front of her shirt! Lily prefers to sit in the corner of the room and take in all she sees.  She does come out when we get her play tunnel twisted in a knot on the floor and she likes to run through it, popping in and out.
            No, these little varmints aren’t ours.  We’ve been rat-sitting for some of our friends this week.  My daughter's being paid for her work – and that’s just fine – I’ll let it be her job!  Yes, they’re cute and furry and have perky little ears, but that TAIL!  It’s long and pointy and, well, I just can’t get past it.  So I sit on her friend’s bed while she has fun playing with these two animals and watch them crawl all over her! 
            Her first job is to dish a mere teaspoon of baby food in a tiny bowl (these two love their pureed squash) and then, when we reach her friend’s bedroom, she has to hide it in the top drawer so the two won’t see it until it’s time to eat.
           You see, these little creatures need their exercise just like the rest of us, and a little social stimulation, if you will.  So, before she takes them out of their three-level condo, she must roll up a bath towel and cover the crack at the bottom of the door, in case they get any ideas about escaping to the wider world.  She then opens the cage door and they hop down onto a footstool and onto the rug.  Daisy is black-striped.  Lily is brown-striped.  And, as I said, they definitely have their own personalities.  After they get their play time, they start to look up longingly at their food dishes. She then takes the little bowl of squash out of the dresser drawer, and fights to place it in the cage while the two crawl all over her hand!  Then it’s 12 small kibbles and 6 large ones in another bowl, a teaspoon of rice in yet another one, and oh, yeah, for a special treat they each are fed a tiny yogurt chewy which they grab through the little cage with their tiny mouths. 
           Did I mention their luxury accommodations?  It’s like a ClubMed for rats!  Three levels of fun, complete with a giant wheel for nighttime running, a little hammock to swing in, a litter box (yes, they’re trained, though apparently Lily has had a few accidents on the upper level)  and three bowls with their various culinary delights. We close it all up, and then we’re done for the night. 
          What’s in it for me?  I get to watch my daughter take responsibility for these little animals and enjoy them, and, oh, did I mention there’s a pool in the backyard of the house for us to use?

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

My Dear Aunt

Swallowtail butterflies love the flowers on my lantana bushes!

       




        My father called me this past New Year’s Eve, just as I was leaving for a party, and told me that my aunt had overdosed on medication and died the night before.

        Of course, I was shocked, but the cause of her death didn’t totally surprise me. She had tried to take her life some years ago but was saved in time by her son who called and knew there might be trouble when she didn’t answer. My aunt was my dad’s youngest sister at 69. She was living in a small apartment in a tall building for low-income residents. She had claimed disability most of her adult life for her depression and anxiety, which led to an inability to handle much responsibility. It was always so unfortunate, because she was such a fun person with a pretty face, and she seemed intelligent to me. I know that she used to do some volunteer work and at one time was very involved with her church, but yet she continually struggled. She had two adult sons – my cousins – one who is raising a family in Iowa, and the other still single and working in Minneapolis.
        My dad sent me a copy of the note she left for her siblings, which said that she loved them and that “she was happy that she would be with Jesus now,” which honestly threw me for a loop. I expected her to sound very distressed and upset. I called my dad after reading it, and cried. Not only was I grieving her decision, but it hit home because I have struggled with periods of clinical depression throughout my life. In fact, my aunt was aware of that, and we had kept in contact at birthdays and Christmas more recently as special friends.
        My dad reminded me that she was not well when she wrote that note and that I had to take into consideration that she had led a much more limited life than I had. My mom reminded me that although she was a good person, she had also made some bad and irresponsible choices throughout her life.
        Ironically, in processing all of this, I began to feel grateful for how my journey has turned out. Although I struggled emotionally throughout high school and college, I kept with the program, keeping my grades up and trying to be responsible for my actions and my choices. When I finally sought treatment, God gave me a competent doctor that has cared about me and worked with me for most of my life (and I hope she never retires!). God has also blessed me with a fabulous, supportive husband and amazing little girl. I’ve had a career that has fulfilled and challenged me. And, I’ve had the good fortune to be depression-free throughout most of it.
       Our lives have been very different. This doesn’t mean that I’m a “better”person than my aunt – that’s not the point – it’s just that she had the journey she did, and I have mine. And I know that she is at peace now, in the arms of Jesus.

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!

The Importance of Female Friendships



My friend Mariann and I at her home in Pennsylvania.



            Within this past year I have realized more than ever how important female friendships are to women.  I would hope that those of us who are married would consider our spouse to be our closest friend (although I know some marriages don’t work that way), yet a spouse or significant other can’t do it all.  Still, I think some women enter marriage with the idea that their new mate will meet all of their emotional needs, and let me tell ya folks, that just ain’t true!  How much healthier it is to share our lives with a variety of friends, as each relates to us in her own unique way.
            Not only can females relate to each other as we see the world in a gender-specific way, but those close relationships help us figure out who we are as women.  We share with each other similar aspects of our lives, comparing ourselves and our perspectives with each other.  While men and women are definitely equal in their worth as people, I do believe that they are distinctly different in how they view the world (of course, generalizing too much here can be limiting for either sex).
            As with any relationship, we want our friendships to be authentic, with a real sense of give and take.  Am I asking too much of my friend?  Or, do I feel like I’m constantly giving to them while they show little interest in my life?  As I said, this past year I’ve had to re-examine my relationships in terms of those questions.  What does it mean to be a true friend?  How do we negotiate the delicate balance of building emotional bonds with each other?  Much of this means that we need to be brutally honest with ourselves and with others.  If we don’t, and we’re in relationships that are too lopsided,  I believe they will collapse in the end.  So, we should ask: Does this friend bring out the best in me?  Do I feel free to be myself?  Do I feel like my friend is there for me when I need her? 
            As I said, my re-examination this past year has resulted in several changes. I “let go” of two friendships that I thought were one-sided (on my part).  It was no surprise, then, that those people did not come running to me to see why our relationship came to an end (which, of course, hurt a bit).  But I also realized that with two other friendships, I had not really been there for them and thus needed to make more of an investment.
           Yes, we hurt each other with our negotiating (whether overtly or covertly), but in the end, those relationships are strongest which are mutually supportive and tended with care.
           Can you relate to any of my experiences?  Men, are  your own friendships with each other similar or different?

For life is what you make it.  So make it good!